RE: Bus ride to never Home

Good News: I got my passport back!

Bad News: Not with my wallet and a month after I arrived Philippines.

After looking for my passport everywhere. After 4 days of no money.After that days of excruciating pain and endless worry of how will I get back without my passport. That whole night of crying because we’re gonna leave Thailand and we’ll be missing everyone, that heavy feeling upon entering Suvarnabhumi airport, that smile I tried to be real every time we take photo, that most quiet, awkward and disappointing taxi ride to Philippine embassy at Bangkok, the longest two hours or so of my life waiting for my travel document and having insufficient money for it and most of all the stress and dismay I caused to everyone especially DID officers of NU and of course Sir Parcero. After all the tears I’ve cried I got my passport back.

Though I would be so fake if I will say that I never expected my passport to be returned up to the last minute, at the back of my mind I knew it will never be back. And a loud hurray for that someone who found my passport and passport alone not with my wallet and cards. My passport was said to be surrendered to the police station and then to Office of Student Affairs of Naresuan University and at last to the hands of DID officers. Every person that I would talk to about this dilemma was imposing that no one will get it aside for us, Filipino buddies.Thinking of that makes me really sick, I mean who among us would do that? We are all friends there, in fact a family. I cannot think of anyone of us who would do that to me and I honestly don’t want to think that he/she was one of us.I know it really suck.

Whatever.

At least it has been returned to me. I asked one of my friends one day in Thailand, Aerolyn, “Why it have to be me, why it has to happen with me?” I know at any moment that time tears will fall then she answered, “Because God knows you will discover who are your friends through this, you will be assured that whatever happens to you we are here.” True enough what she said is true, they never really left me.

To Benedict, Nheslyn, Stephen, Reana Joy, Brenda, Arman, Broom, Jet;

To our buddies, Aisaradet, Chayanee, Supakorn, Karnwisa, Wimonrak, Chompunut, Sutida, Tawisa;

To my Ajarns, Sir Romy, P’Jeeb, P’Kob, P’Jo;

To Filipino buddies, Aero, Regine, Mich, Vierra, Tet, Ayra, Russel, Dayan, Ivy and Via.

To my moms, Ms. Johanna, Ms. Benny, Ms. Loida, Ms. Aimee, Ms. Jenyca;

And most especially my parents,

Allow me to offer sincerest thank you to all of you who have helped me get through this. I love you.

 

Bus ride to never Home

 

June 13, 2014

At this moment I am riding a bus, a different bus this time. I am on a farther place than the usual, a place that I’ve never been before, the land of smiles, Thailand. And right now I’ve discovered a different kind of fear , fear that I’ve never felt before. I became frightened of coming home, frightened that the bus would stop moving and we have to go down because we are nearing the end of a stupendous, extraordinary, once in a lifetime journey.

Aside from that bitter fact, I lost the most important thing I have here, like the blood I have on my veins, the air I breathe to live, my wallet. And inside that wallet is my passport. As a matter of fact I don’t really know how I lost it, I just learned that I’ve lost it.

I am not the kind of person who easily losses faith and determination when it comes to the things I want. But the other night was different, I hardly felt an inch of faith in my heart, I felt so numb, nothing at all. I don’t know what to feel about finding my wallet. I felt desperate that night when we were searching for it, that I wrote on the wide white board that whoever found my wallet should return it.

I want to trust this land because since the time we’ve been here I never heard or seen of any crime. Its like a little part of me wishes that someone would return it back to me. I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. I don’t want  people around me to worry or fuss about me. If I worry about them it’s all okay but I don’t know why I don’t want them to worry about me, end of story. I don’t know if I should care about if I don’t find my wallet, not until we go down this bus, I don’t really know.