21ST EVE

I was so excited today because one, I won tickets to advanced screening of a movie I truly love, the last sequel to The Hunger Games, Mockingjay Part 2. Two, to the adventures I will take because I am going alone and three, today was my twenty-first birthday eve.

I still went to office which I regret for one second because I was stuck two hours on traffic and numerous red lights but I still got in, just in time. I bought a burger (for my lunch and dinner) and hot chocolate from Starbucks (because my head was throbbing like hell). Inside the cinema, they (ETC) held a little program and gave away some prices, happy enough, I got one too!

The movie got me so terrified, as usual, and got me screaming and realized on the latter part that I was the only one screaming AF. Sorry for being such a spoiler for those who won’t read the book but yes, Prim died, right in front of Katniss Everdeen’s eyes and don’t worry you’ll never be alone on being emotional, I cried AAMOF. Anyway, the movie ended so soon, goosebumps were still there yet, teary-eyed and feeling all over. Ughh, gonna be missing this.

I walked towards the terminal and got to the bus immediately and me was like counting down minutes before tomorrow. Today, I was really happy probably, my day. Hopefully, the next day too, birthday!

18th of November 2014

My birthdays had not been the usual cakes and balloons but it always have some unlikeness. I like spending my day working. I am not the I’d-take-an-off-because-its-my-birthday person. I always loved moving and not keeping in place. Somehow, I am not at best, I’m quite messed up, I have traveled extreme ups and downs but I’m good. Really.

I have so much things to be thankful for my year. I may have a never-perfect family but still I have family, I may have a non-showy-of-love mother but she’s the best, I may have an over protective father but I love him, I may not have sweet and caring brothers but I have plenty of them just not blood related, I may be the only girl in the family but I have the most wonderful soul sisters. I may not be perfect but I have been so blessed of people around me.

Cliche it might sound but my life has been so wonderful to live this year. T’was neither all up nor all down–it’s worthwhile. Of course I would have to give all the credit to Almighty God that I’ve been living the life I wanted, that I can actually pursue my dreams, that I can extend my love for people who are dear to me, that I am forgiven and so I can forgive, that He has been with me all the way.

Reana, Sepo, Jervin, Sir Romy, Ma’am Jo, Ma’am Benny, Ma’am Aimee, Ma’am Jen, Ptr Dhon, Fr. Manny, Broom, Amboy, Ejay, Vhince, Coco, Benedict, Nheslyn, Maki, Gel, Aisaradet, Chayanee, A, Viancs, Joan, Hannah, Angelica, Janelle, JM, Koi, Ate Joan, Maye, Sarah, Ma, Pa and everyone who greeted and celebrated my birthday with me, my sincerest thank you. T’was indeed a happy birthday.

November Baby

I’m turning twenty! Things had changed tremendously, dramatically and profusely. I wonder if the three words I’ve used are all the same. It’s funny that I did not actually filled this blog every moment that had happened to me in the previous years but still its good to look back to the things that was told here. Not to brag about the whole thing but I knew I’ve matured. I became more aware, way more observant than ever, has better self control, I think a lot and I’ve always wanted to speak my mind. I wanted to try things, to prove everyone everything, I know I’m becoming more idealistic but I still love to be real and natural, I have tried different make-ups on, mascara, lipstick and gloss, blush on, eye liner, I have read many stories, I conquered some things which I never thought of crossing, I’m learning to be on my own, I have appreciated myself more, I have gained a lot of new friends, I have figured out my wants and many more.

I can’t remember where I wrote this or to whom I said it before that my birthday is most favorite day of the year and I still don’t know why. Be it wrapped in a red ribbon or not, my birthday will be my most special day of the year. But still, I never like to tell it to everybody for reason. Say I’m impossible but I don’t want people to greet me just because they’ve seen it on facebook reminder. I want them to remember my birthday because I’m important to them

I just want this entry to express what I’m feeling. That right now I am missing that tingling feeling of being in love, I’m missing holding hands with the guy I am dating, I missed long conversations, I missed everything I have to experience in a relationship. I kinda felt shit when I knew about my ex trying to court my best friend whom he used to court before meeting and knowing me. I felt like “ARE YOU FVCKING KIDDING ME?” I have to be honest because one way or another this has to be me. It’s just like she knew all my  ex’s shits about me and then like she’s asking me to be okay to that idea. Hello girl, that is an unwritten girls’ code to never date your best friend’s ex, duh. I felt betrayed, seriously, by my best friend.

I just thought that I’m nearly losing my sweet bones that I’m becoming a more of a heart-guarded person, that the person who will try to destroy that would not get through it easily. It is my kind of defense mechanism, to guard my heart, to filter it from hurt and love and appreciation, to protect my own heart from breaking. But I guess I just answered my question. I am guilty, I am guarding my heart tightly to any possible love I could feel because I became more afraid of greater rejections.

But sure as I am he will be all worth it when the time comes and I will be worth his too!