So Messed Up

My life is a mess right now.

All my energy are getting used up every fucking day. I am tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I am suffering from pain that nobody would’ve understand. These past few days have been so hard and inexplicably painful for me. I had my fair share of pain but this one’s different, different that I can’t just put it into words. I have been dealing to million possible things running in my mind and it is exasperating.

A friend, one of the closest to my heart, had cost me everything. The reason? It is because I am senior to her, that I am part of a certain peer group as well as her and that she is having the time of her life moving on from a heartbreak. I feel like I’ve been robbed and ambushed and played and stabbed and cheated, I feel everything and it’s so ridiculous. I feel disgusted actually that after everything that I did for her I’ve got nothing in return but this.

We were in the same school organization and that creates the conflict, we were all in it, her, her ex and me. Funny it was to think, that the guy she’s jealous for was actually her ex-boyfriend and for Pete’s sake is my friend. Our folks “mediated” over the issue and took sides and so I left.

I left not because I was not sided but because I knew I did not do anything wrong, not because I am guilty of a crime but because they won’t listen, not because I want to but because I knew I am unwanted. Now, it’s not as easy as I would have it but I can get through. I will because I can and I can do it alone. I don’t need pity or sympathy or anything. And I’m sure as hell this too shall pass and I will be thankful because I’ve come to know who truly my friends are.

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