June 13, 2014
At this moment I am riding a bus, a different bus this time. I am on a farther place than the usual, a place that I’ve never been before, the land of smiles, Thailand. And right now I’ve discovered a different kind of fear , fear that I’ve never felt before. I became frightened of coming home, frightened that the bus would stop moving and we have to go down because we are nearing the end of a stupendous, extraordinary, once in a lifetime journey.
Aside from that bitter fact, I lost the most important thing I have here, like the blood I have on my veins, the air I breathe to live, my wallet. And inside that wallet is my passport. As a matter of fact I don’t really know how I lost it, I just learned that I’ve lost it.
I am not the kind of person who easily losses faith and determination when it comes to the things I want. But the other night was different, I hardly felt an inch of faith in my heart, I felt so numb, nothing at all. I don’t know what to feel about finding my wallet. I felt desperate that night when we were searching for it, that I wrote on the wide white board that whoever found my wallet should return it.
I want to trust this land because since the time we’ve been here I never heard or seen of any crime. Its like a little part of me wishes that someone would return it back to me. I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. I don’t want people around me to worry or fuss about me. If I worry about them it’s all okay but I don’t know why I don’t want them to worry about me, end of story. I don’t know if I should care about if I don’t find my wallet, not until we go down this bus, I don’t really know.